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Violence Against Women and Girls: From Surviving to Thriving
By Lesley Sackey
My Personal Story
For a long time, I didn't think I was a victim of domestic abuse.
Like many women, I believed abuse looked a certain way. I thought it was something that happened to other people. I was educated, ambitious, a national champion boxer and Gold medallist, someone who was perceived as strong. Yet abuse doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care about your background, profession, education or achievements.
What started as subtle control gradually became something much bigger. My confidence was chipped away over time and the experience I can only describe as a systemic breaking down of my spirit. Decisions became harder. I found myself questioning my own judgement, my own reality.
The irony was not lost on me. Outside of my home, I was a boxer. I had represented my country. I had stood in rings in front of crowds and opponents without fear. Yet behind closed doors, I was experiencing something that made me feel powerless in ways I wasn’t able to articulate.
Leaving was not a single moment. It was a process.
For many people, there is an assumption that if someone is being abused, they should "just leave." The reality is far more complex. Leaving is often the most dangerous time. It involves fear, uncertainty, financial concerns, children, housing, practical logistics and often years of emotional conditioning. In hindsight it was actually the leaving that created what I can only describe as a tsunami of chaos and destruction over seven years or so. I only recently learned the term post separation abuse and when I heard that for the first time I felt so seen!
Leaving wasn’t easy but navigating life was even harder.
What I discovered was that whilst there is increasing awareness around escaping abuse, there is far less support for what comes next.
Nobody really talks about recovery.
Nobody talks about rebuilding your confidence when it has been systematically eroded. Nobody talks about trying to navigate housing, finances, employment, parenting and healing all at the same time. Nobody talks about the loneliness that can come after the crisis has passed and the world expects you to simply move on.
That experience changed the course of my life.
It led me to create Fight Forward and later Pillow because I became determined to ensure that other women didn't have to navigate recovery alone.
How I Overcame and Survived
I felt in such a state of survival and I really wanted to thrive. One of the most powerful tools in my recovery was movement.
As a boxer, I understood the connection between physical and mental resilience, but after abuse I experienced it in an entirely different way. Trauma lives in the body. Recovery is not purely intellectual. You cannot simply think your way out of trauma.
Through movement, boxing and community, I slowly began reconnecting with myself. Not the version of me that had been diminished by abuse. The version of me that had always existed underneath it.
I also learned that healing is not linear.
There were setbacks. There were moments when I questioned myself. There were times I felt angry, exhausted and overwhelmed.
But over time I realised something important: recovery is not about becoming the person you were before.
It's about becoming the person you were always capable of being.
Today I no longer define myself by what happened to me.
I am not a victim of abuse.
I am a survivor.
More importantly, I am a woman with a future, purpose and agency.
Advice To Those Currently Experiencing Or Recovering from Violence
Firstly, if you are experiencing abuse, please know this:
You are not weak.
You are not failing.
And you are not alone.
Abuse is designed to make you doubt yourself. It can distort your sense of reality and convince you that things are your fault when they are not.Trust the part of yourself that knows something isn't right.
If it is safe to do so, reach out to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, support service or colleague. You do not need to carry this alone.
If you have already left, I want you to know something else:
Recovery takes time.
There is no deadline for healing.
You may feel pressure to "move on" or "get over it." Please don't measure your recovery against anyone else's timeline.
Be patient with yourself.
Celebrate small wins.
Recognise that rebuilding confidence, trust and stability is a significant achievement.
Most importantly, remember that what happened to you is part of your story, but it is not the end of your story.
There is life after abuse.
There is joy after abuse.
There is purpose after abuse.
And there is every possibility that your greatest chapter is still ahead of you.
Advice to Friends, Family and Colleagues
One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to rescue someone.
Whilst the intention is often good, survivors need support, not judgement.
If someone discloses abuse to you:
Listen.
Believe them.
Avoid asking questions that imply blame, such as "Why didn't you leave sooner?" or statements like “but they seemed so nice!”)
Instead ask:
"How can I support you?"
"What do you need right now?"
Remember that leaving an abusive relationship is often a process rather than an event.
You may not understand every decision they make. You may become frustrated.
But maintaining a safe, non-judgemental connection can be life changing.
For colleagues and employers, it is important to understand that domestic abuse does not stay at home. Its impact shows up in workplaces every day through absenteeism, presenteeism, mental health challenges, financial difficulties and reduced confidence.
Many survivors spend enormous amounts of energy simply trying to appear okay.
Creating psychologically safe workplaces where people feel able to seek support can make a significant difference.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
"I believe you."
What Organisations Can Do to Address This Crisis
Book me to deliver workshops to your teams!
Violence against women and girls is not a women's issue. It is a societal issue.
It impacts health systems, housing systems, workplaces, education, policing and the economy.
To tackle this crisis effectively, we need to move beyond crisis response and invest in long-term recovery. Too often, support ends when a woman reaches safety. But safety is only the beginning.
Recovery requires access to housing, employment, financial independence, wellbeing support, legal guidance and community.
Organisations also need to recognise the scale of domestic abuse within their own environments. Research consistently shows that many employees are experiencing abuse while in work, yet most never disclose it.
Employers can play a critical role by:
● Training managers to recognise signs of abuse.
● Creating clear domestic abuse policies.
● Providing safe routes to support.
● Offering flexibility when individuals are navigating legal or safety challenges.
● Partnering with specialist organisations.
We also need greater collaboration across sectors. No single charity, business or government department can solve this alone.
The solution lies in creating connected systems that support women not only to survive, but to thrive.
The Work We Are Doing with Pillow
My own experience highlighted a gap that I couldn't ignore.
Whilst there are incredible organisations helping women reach safety, many survivors are left asking the same question afterwards:
"What happens next?"
That question became the foundation for Pillow.
Pillow is a trauma-informed platform designed to support women in the months and years after abuse. We are building technology that helps survivors navigate recovery without having to repeatedly tell their story.
Whether someone is rebuilding financially, seeking legal information, improving their wellbeing, returning to work or simply trying to understand what recovery looks like, Pillow aims to provide guidance that is personalised, accessible and empowering.
At its heart, Pillow is about agency.
Abuse takes away choice, confidence and control.
Recovery should help restore it.
Technology alone will not solve violence against women and girls. However, when designed responsibly, it can help bridge gaps, improve access to support and ensure that fewer women fall through the cracks once the immediate crisis has passed.
My vision is simple:
A world where no woman has to navigate recovery alone.
A world where surviving is not the finish line.
A world where every woman has the opportunity to thrive.
Because every woman deserves more than survival.
Get Involved
Violence against women and girls is not a problem that can be solved by survivors alone. It requires all of us—individuals, employers, communities and organisations—to play a role.
If you're an organisation looking to better support your employees, I'd love to help. Through keynotes, workshops and leadership sessions, I work with teams to build understanding around domestic abuse, trauma, resilience, wellbeing and creating psychologically safe workplaces.
To enquire about workshops, speaking engagements or partnerships, please contact:
info@fightforward.org.uk
I'm also inviting you to take part in our Drop Your Baggage campaign through Pillow.
Every day, women carry invisible burdens—trauma, shame, fear, grief and experiences they often feel unable to share. Drop Your Baggage creates a safe space for women to anonymously share their stories, release what they have been carrying and help us shine a light on the realities of recovery after abuse.
Share your story at:
getpillow.ai
To learn more about our work supporting survivors through boxing, community and recovery, visit:
fightforward.org.uk
You can follow the work and join the conversation here:
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/fightfwd/
https://www.instagram.com/lesleyboxersackey/
LinkedIn
Lesley Sac key
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesleysackey/
Fight Forward CIC
https://www.linkedin.com/company/fight-forward-c-i-c/
June 26